"Why is that lady so loud?" An explanation of worship.

We were in church on Sunday morning and one of my boys leans over to me and says, "Mom, you know, you really are the loudest one here."

We attend City Harvest- a Spirit-filled non-denominational church - not quite considered holy roller church, with chandelier swinging, but definitely a big step from my Catholic up-bringing and a little bit "nontraditional." The Gospel is the center of course, with solid Bible focused  preaching. But the worship is my favorite.

And I think by now, most people know I feel that way.

In 1984 I was fifteen.  My favorite band was Duran Duran and I worshiped them.  I had every album, and every album memorized.  I cried at video releases.  I freaked out when I found a rare record.  I spent my money on music, memorabilia, and clothing that that mimicked their "new romantic" look.  I carved my name next to theirs in my desk.  I adored and loved them.  They were beautiful, bright, shining and perfect.

(They were also doing drugs, contracting STD's, and the total 80's party band.)

They came to town.  We waited hours in the snow to get front row seats.  FRONT ROW.  While dressed in our rather weather-ridiculous Durannie outfits.

The concert was amazing to my fifteen year old eyes.  I was on my feet the whole time.  Dancing.  Hands in the air.  Laughing.  Screaming and Crying - in total emotional raptures of teenage delight.  "I love you!"  I cried.  "Please love me," my heart wept desperately.

I was not a happy teenager.  At age two my mother was already struggling with my emotional high's and low's.  My parents divorce when I was six did not help.  Nor did Dad's getting remarried. I won't go into it now, but you might have thought I had ADD or Bi-Polar disorder.  I was emotional and somewhat destructive.  I truly believe that age two is a precursor to puberty.  My two year old issues did not go away at ten or twelve and by  age fifteen everything was amplified by ten.

When I became a Christian at sixteen - through a series of circumstances and coincidences that are really quite amazing and point directly to Holy Spirit involvement - it was a fierce, radical transformation.

 I cried, "I love you!" and Jesus responded, "I love you now.  I love you then.  I love you always, through anything." 

My previous worship experiences had set a standard.  How could I ever give Jesus less than I had given to mere men, who did drugs, lived wretched lives, and didn't know or care if I was alive?

Confessing Christ as my Lord and Savior from sin, repenting of my sin and the ugliness I felt deep inside me, and committing my life to follow Jesus did not FIX all those issues I had had when I was 2 and fifteen.  I did not radically change to become a perfect, rule following little robot. -  The issues were still there.

When Jesus was born he was born in a cave/barn filled with animals, greeted by people who were on the same level as today's homeless people - unwanted and often unbathed. His birth into that place did not change that place, that situation, those circumstances.  Even after His resurrection - the poor, hurting, corrupted and uncorrupted still existed.

So what did He give me?

He brought hope.  He brought love.  He brought:

"I love you now.  I love you then.  I love you always, through anything."

I am no longer the emotional, heart on her sleeve, feel everything out-loud kind of person - Not really.  My husband could tell you that.  My kids could tell you that.  Even my mom - who I recspent three weeks sharing teeny-tiny hotel rooms could tell you.  I am much more even tempered than in my teenage and young adult years.

But the one who LOVED me to His Death and Ressurection gets Everything I have to give, whether I have the energy or desire.    I know what my everything looks like, the standard was set long ago, and just because it is thirty years later, doesn't change that standard.  It doesn't change who Christ is.

Let me be baldly honest. It is not always easy to worship the way I worship.  It is often embarrassing in retrospect when I realize how loud I am being, or that I am not standing where I started standing, that everyone can hear me when I say something that makes no sense or sing the wrong words to a song.

 It's not some competition for me.  I don't particularly want attention. I know I don't have to be loud.  The Lord can always hear me at whatever volume.  I am responding to the presence of God in His House.  -  I get loud when I am worshiping in my own home too.

My emotional response to Him is Everything IN me.

 People thought I was out of control - and sometimes it has felt that way.

 I always sit in the front now so I am not singing into someones ear.

 Jesus is so very good.  I can almost see the Holy Spirit moving among us, inviting me to dance and be free, stirring the church, and God is so pleased by our response to Him - So I move, I sing, I shout, I dance, I kneel, I listen, I laugh, I cry. 

If the presence of God moves "rocks to cry out,"  It requires something quite a bit more of me.

The psalms ask for many types of worship responses.  None of them are, "stand still and sing quietly." 

And a standard was set in my being - long ago.

God wants Me (and you too)

God wants me (and you) to trust Him to be who He created me (us) to be.  That is the person He will use to move mountains, that is the person He will use to feed the five thousand with just a little bread and dried up salty fish.  The lie of our whole culture is the person (family, life, home, etc...) we were born with is not good enough and it's a lie that keeps us hog-tied and frozen.  It's a lie that strangles our true destiny.

John 15:16 says, "You did not choose Me but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask of the Father in My name, He may give to you."

Jesus points to me, lays his hand over my heart, touches my spirit, and looks in my eyes.  And there is no qualifier. - "Well, Dapoppins, when you have more education, when you have more discipline, when you are a more patient person, when you keep your home clean, when your baking is better, when you wear makeup and do your hair every time you leave the house, when your art projects look more like actual art...only then my dear Dapoppins...will I choose you..."-  HE NEVER SAID THAT...   in fact,  Jesus's qualifier was, "Follow me."

Just..."Do what I do and use the gifts and talents I have given you."  (Matthew 25: 14-30  Ephesians 4:11)

I am FREE to BE who GOD made me to BE. 

Worship Time

Prayer time

I woke up last night and couldn't get back to sleep...there was too much anticipation, too much joy, too much bubbling hope...in the silence of my house I could almost hear the music of it. Revival. A move of God's Holy Spirit, breathing on my family, my town, my city, my state and country. A move of new, deeper, stronger, pure relationship with the Holy Spirit. We can bow at the very throne of God because of Jesus, we can sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to His love, but we often forget the Face and Person-hood of the Holy Spirit. Oh...He's coming to remind us. And I will see it! I declare that I will see it in my life time. Holy Spirit my arms are open. I yield. I am hungry, willing, and longing for your presence in my life. I want to see you. I want my family, town, city, state and country and the world to see you. Come Holy Spirit. Come.

John 5:39  You search the scriptures because you think in them you have eternal life, and it is these that bear witness of Me; and you are unwilling to come to me.

Lord, don't let me be like that.  Don't let me be like those old stuffy wise men, searching the pages of your book in hopes of finding life, of finding You, of touching Your glory.  Where was Moses when You revealed your Glory to Him?  Where were the faithful when flame appeared over their heads?  Lord, don't let the church, my church, be like that...stuck in the pages of Your book instead of living the pages of Your book. Revival is not going to come out the Bible....although all of Your actions will align themselves fully with Your Word and Personality...but Life Changing Revival will come out of your Presence...and I know Your word is the map to find your Presence...but if we keep looking at the Map we will never see where we are going, when we have arrived, when Your standing right in front of us saying, "I have come in my Father's Name!"

Oh Lord I pray this publicly to declare it publicly. I declare that Your coming to bring change to the church and to the community.     Help us to see.  To be vulnerable to You.  To look up from our Maps and see the beautiful things You are doing and the incredible thing You are going to accomplish.

Oh.  I am so excited.  Thank You.  Thank You Jesus.  Thank You Holy Spirit.  Thank You Father God.

Is there a glass ceiling for women in the church?

I became a Christian the year I turned 16. Jesus saw me and He loved me.  When I was baptized my brief explanation was, "He raised me out of death in to life!"  And it was true.

I'd been to a Duran Duran concert the winter before I became a Christian.  I was a true "80's Durannie. We had front row seats.  I spent the whole concert raising my hands, singing, yelling, screaming, dancing, clapping, shouting, moving in a joyous expression of love and devotion to the five men on stage.  Those men didn't even know I was alive.  But Jesus had saved me from death, depression, loneliness, and every one of my teenage angst's.  Jesus saw who I was and loved me anyway.  So, I made a commitment.  I would give my Jesus more than I had given those men in the pop band.

Even in a Pentecostal Non-denominational Church this made me stand out.  Add to that I was usually in the front rows.

I read my Bible in that first year and came away with ideas.  I wanted to be like Jesus.  I wanted to love the lost, heal the sick, comfort the broken hearted the way Jesus always comforted me.  I wanted to glow like Moses, commune with God Himself on His Holy Mountain.  I wanted to do miracles like Elijah.  I wanted to prophesy like Isaiah.

It was during an amazing short term mission trip the summer I turned 18 that I began to see things in a different way.  It had became clear to me that because I was female I couldn't  do any of those things.  I could be Moses' wife. I could be the wife of an Elijah.  I could be the wife of an Isaiah.  But I couldn't BE an Isaiah. It was devastating to me.

I was a woman.  Women had roles in the church.  Men and women were obviously different, and a woman's role as a Christian was obviously different from a man's.  I didn't want to just be a man. I wasn't a feminist.  But I wanted to be LIKE JESUS.

I did have some conversations with both men and women (mostly women) about how I should act and what was proper.  But I didn't feel persecuted so much as pressured.   I was also in a way, ignored.

A young man might come from a hard background and get "radically saved." His youth pastor and others will see his potential and an obvious bent and destiny to do amazing things in the name of Jesus and to His Glory. This  young man is groomed, trained,  and mentored to grow into a more mature role in one of the "five fold" ministries" ie: apostle, prophet, evangelist, pastor, or teacher. I had all the obvious creditials that a young man might have had. I was radically saved.  I was fearless.  I was very willing.  But, in 1985, a young woman is groomed, trained, and mentored to be that young man's wife. 

Is that what God intended?  Is that in the Bible?

I'm reading this book and it asks some uncomfortable questions about today's Church.  This isn't about feminism.  I am not a feminist.  I think feminism has damaged our society, our families, and our children.  Equality for women was an idea that came from God that the enemy twisted and warped and visited on us in away I am not sure we can ever repair.  This book is not about feminism or that women do the same job as men because they are the same.  

I dare you to read it. 

What's the word?

In 2012 my word was  ALL.  As in All things work together for the good of those who love God, as in God's ALL.   I looked up scriptures, and don't have all my All scriptures handy, but there was a lot of ALL in there.  Alot of amazing God and faithful God, in that one little word.  Alot of life change there.

I don't have my word yet for 2013.  But it is going to be good. 

What is the Holy Spirit saying to me?

So, I think, that the Holy Spirit is always moving forward.  Always pushing for some kind of change.  Now, that change can take years, because, really, the Creator of Time sees Time as, well, nothing.  God doesn't measure time in human terms.  After years of me complaining about God's perfect timing, I've learned at least this much.

Yet, still the Holy Spirit is always moving forward, pushing for spiritual growth, making us more Christ like, and taking us, if we go with the growth, the more challenges.

And changes.

And I don't like change.  Almost four years ago when my husband lost his job, it was such a change that I went into a spiral of anger and depression.  That lasted a couple of months.  Then, the Holy Spirit pushed me out of it.  But on the anniversary of that job loss and that change I so despised, when it seemed this new life of hand-to mouth, and never knowing if we could make the basic necessities was going to be a way of life, I went into another dissatisfied, disappointed  disillusioned depression, this one lasted half a year.

But, nothing can separate me from the love of my Saviour.

We are still in this same rutt.  But, twice, I've been given words that good change is coming. ( Now, there are some heart issues here, that I could take into account.  And I need to get my heart, my thoughts, my purpose, aligned with what the Holy Spirit is saying.)

So I am fasting.  Two weeks so far on a restricted diet.  Giving up the things I love.

And I will have to go deeper. Starting Monday, I am giving the Lord my Coffee.  I have to get ahold of His heart. There is a divine principle in fasting that I am counting on.

God is changing me.  I pray everyday God is changing me.  Helping me have a right perspective   A right heart.  A satisfied soul.    Filling me up with love straight from the source.

What else is the Holy Spirit saying?

"Go in and possess the land.  Be bold, and very courageous."

There are giants in the land.  Big, hairy, ugly, smelly, dangerous giants.  They think the land is theirs.  They think they have a right to do their big, hairy, ugly, smelly business wherever they want.  But my charge is simple, go into the land and possess it.  God will not give me the future if I'm hiding in my little hole, doing my little thing, trying to wait out hardship in the vain hope that it will just go away.  I'm commanded to go forward, to make the first move, GO into the Land, and Possess it.  I am commanded to be VERY courageous   Don't look at the obstacles.  Don't count them as anything.

And guess what?  I don't even get to carry a real sword to chop up the giants with.  To make them smaller, easier to deal with on my terms.  Nope.  All I got is what the Lord plants within me.  Joy.  Faith. Peace. Love.  All those fruits.

I had a vision once...not where I was transported out of my body, but just a sudden dawning in my heart:

God gives us Living Water.  He is Living Water.  And it is ours after we call him Lord, after we acknowledge the gift of  His sacrifice, and power of his Resurrection.  The water flows like a trickle first.  Enough for growth.  Enough for faith.  Enough for the unchallenged existence   But if I want the power wash, if I want the full force of the Holy Spirit in my life, giving me revelations about my self and others, equipping me, making me effective, then I got to get the power behind the water.

I have to fast.  I have to pray.  I have to do what the New Testament tells Christians to do, and abide in the Vine.




  

Idols

Moses lead them out of Egypt.  It didn't happen overnight.  Without doing any research I remember that it took some time before the Hebrews got to that Mountain where God held his Presence and gave Moses the Commandments. Along the way some lessons were learned, and it's obvious to me that the children of Israel should have understood the reality of a living God long before Moses started going up to the Mountain and coming back with that glow on his face.

Yet when their leader went up the mountain to hear from God, and didn't come back right away, the Hebrews became anxious.  They began to doubt the realities they had seen with their own eyes.  They forgot where they had come from.

So they made Idols out of wood and gold.

And that's me.  That is exactly what I do when I am worried, disappointed and discouraged.  I build an idol and loose myself in the frenzy.  I tune out God, stop listening for the Holy Spirit, and tune into something else entirely.

Sometimes I do better.  I Press In.  That means I read the Bible, purposefully work to find comfort and reassurance in the Living Word, I pray and pour out my heart, or pray for others in harder situations than my own.  That means I worship.  I only listen to worship music.  I listen to it loud and sing out loud holding onto the words like a life line.

But that is a rare sometimes.

I don't understand why it is so easy for me to give up.  I don't understand why I use it as an excuse.  I don't understand why I continually allow myself to be spiritually lazy.

How do you handle disappointment, discouragement, and worry?

reaching for the community

Donations pour in for victims of Rolling Creek apartment blaze

Thursday is last day for displaced residents to collect household items

(from Colombian article)

When Jennifer Zimmerman came with her baby to City Harvest Church on Wednesday, it was after a collision of three major events in her life, one unfortunate, one tragic and one a bit glorious.
Zimmerman, 23, said she first lost her job as assistant manager of the Rolling Creek Apartments in Hazel Dell, where she lived.
Then, a roaring fire in Building F of Rolling Creek on April 21, when baby Tyryen was only 14 days old, heavily damaged the building she lived in and caused at least $1 million in damage.
No one was badly injured, but the inferno displaced Zimmerman, the baby and her fiancé, Jake Protasiewicz, from their damaged apartment.
The fire displaced 23 other families as well, a total of 56 people suddenly homeless.
But now something was in the wind. The public had heard of the Rolling Creek fire. People also knew of two other fires around the same time in Clark County that killed a total of seven people including five children.
And the tornados in the South around the same time were devastating, killing hundreds.
The sympathies of many were aroused.
“We want to help, we don’t know what to do and our hearts are breaking, all of us,” said Loris Ray, a member of City Harvest Church in Hazel Dell.
She decided she’d rally others to put the displaced Rolling Creek fire victims back on their feet.
Ray, working with local Red Cross volunteers and other church members, asked the public to bring donated household items of all sorts to the church at 8100 N.W. Ninth Ave. on Monday and Tuesday.
And folks in cars and trucks came to the church, arriving at times in lines of three to six vehicles, with donations of every type imaginable. Two came from as far away as Tigard and Salem, Ore.
“The public has just gone nuts to help us,” Ray said Wednesday “Oh! You have no concept.”
On Wednesday and again today, from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., families displaced by the Rolling Creek fire are invited to come to the church and take what they need, for free. Volunteers have a list of the displaced folks’ names.
Volunteers worked hard to arrange the household items on display in the church lobby and another very large room. Clothing, beds, microwaves, dishes, toys, books, pillows, toothpaste, soaps and so much more, a very large amount.
There looked to be enough to outfit 20 or more families start to finish, all new or in clean, usable condition.
On Wednesday, Ray and other volunteers were helping parents find replacements for their lost belongings.
And babies too.
“What would you like honey? What can we get you? Want the baby bear?” Ray said to blond, blue-eyed Izabella Beaupre, 2, who was sitting in a donated shopping cart in the church lobby.
Izabella chose a gray-and-pink stuffed elephant toy, as big as she is.
Her father, Bryan Beaupre, 29, a truck driver, and the rest of their family were displaced by smoke damage and lost many household items.
“We actually found a better place,” he said at the church Wednesday. “It’s a little more expensive but I was already in line to work with a better company.”
Zimmerman was less fortunate.
Zimmerman’s baby, Tyryen, less than a month old on Wednesday, was two weeks old when the Rolling Creek fire damaged most of their belongings and forced them out.
“It felt like we brought him home and, bam, came the fire. He came early, just in time for all the chaos.”
As the fire was raging in Building F, their border collie-mix dog, Budders, was trapped inside their apartment and was howling for help.
Jake Protasiewicz, 21, was allowed to go inside briefly, grab Budders and carry him to safety.
The couple were later allowed to collect some of their belongings, including some baby furniture.
They went to the church Wednesday and were able to take home many things they need. A rug, a slider rocking chair, bassinet, baby bath articles, baby clothing — and clothes for themselves, to replace the apparel they lost to the smoky fire.
What do they call home now?
The living room of a house in Felida that belonged to Protasiewicz’ parents, which is for sale, she said.
Both parents said they are frantically looking for jobs and have experience in several lines of work.
They said they would be willing to rent, if not a house or apartment, perhaps a room in someone’s home.
“As soon as I get a job I can get a home of some sort,” Zimmerman said.
The family is in a tough spot, but Zimmerman said that’s taught her things.
“You really learn what you can live without,” she said. “And you learn how the community can really come together, surprisingly so, in such a horrible situation.”
Ray, the church member who coordinated the donations with several other volunteers, said late Wednesday that the donations far exceeded the amount of household items that displaced residents had come to select so far.
“At this point, we really want them to come in,” Ray said, adding that today is the last day the items will be available for free at the church.
The apartment manager and volunteers have been unable to contact several displaced families because their phones are disconnected.
Also, two people who lived there have moved, one to Seattle and the other to California, and didn’t want any household items.
When the donation offer ends at 8 tonight, Ray said she’s scheduled to call someone at the Salvation Army on Friday morning, to bring trucks and take items away.
Church members also plan a garage sale of some of the donated items, to help support their medical mission in Guatemala.
John Branton: 360-735-4513 or john.branton@columbian.com.

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Mother's Day Shop n' Drop 

http://www.columbian.com/photos/2011/may/07/22104/

May 7, 2011

Photo by Zachary Kaufman / The Columbian

Bob MacGregor, City Harvest Church senior pastor, shares some of his own experiences as the son of a single mother. The church has stepped up efforts to reach local single mothers, including a recent personal spa day. Volunteers also checked mothers’ vehicles for mechanical troubles Saturday while they shopped using gift cards provided by the church.

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A Hand Up not a Hand Out: Woman operates Food Cart with help from Church

The Bible says my King is a seven-way king....He's the King of the Jews; that's a racial king....He's the King of Israel; that's a national King....He's the King of Righteousness....He's the King of the Ages.....He's the King of Heaven....He's the King of Glory....He's the King of kings, and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King. Well....I wonder, do you know Him?.... David said, "The Heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He's enduringly strong....He's entirely sincere....He's eternally steadfast....He's immortally graceful....He's imperially powerful....He's impartially merciful....... Do you know Him?

A Gardner’s Guide to Avoiding Thorns

 

I think thorns must exist in every environment. Sharp. Prickly. Spiked. Hooked.

Some are obvious in their danger, with a red warning flush reaching up the sharp spine, impossible not to notice even at first glance, while others are so tiny and delicate, a person is often oblivious to them until too late.

The wise gardener guards against all thorns with a pair of good gloves. Different kinds of gloves are widely available, heavy leather, a sturdy canvas, or reinforced cotton; all provide different levels of protection. This is the best defense.

But often, a thorn can make it past all precautions and prick the skin. A shallow cut or a deep cut, sometimes thorns become embedded and require a careful removal and cleaning of the sight of the wound. Some thorns, by nature, contain bitterness, a slight poison which increases the risk of infection. Like any wound left untended, there can be complications from the bite of a simple thorn, leading to all sorts of maladies, physical reactions like swelling, itching of the wound sight, soreness and puss; infection can even lead to death if ignored long enough.

Words can be like thorns. People plant them in their relationships, sometimes on purpose, often unknowingly. Scattered and thrown on the wind to see what they can catch and prick, lining the stems of blooming compliments, hidden in the viney pathways of conversations. There are thorns everywhere.

The wise person guards against thorny words with awareness, ignoring them completely instead of letting them catch the tenderness of the spirit, letting them fall to the ground instead of piercing deep. Ignored prickly words will just evaporate without an echo as the worthless things they are; this is the best defense.

But we are not always equipped with our best pair of heavy leather gloves and hurtful words come at us unexpectedly. Some words just scratch, but it is a small scratch that heals quickly without much attention. The sharper words pierce, and this takes more action. A cleaning and disinfectant may be required. Some short attention must be given to the wound for it to heal. Like any wound left untended, there can be complications from the bite of a word, leading to all sorts of maladies: fear, anger, bitterness, and hate; infection can even lead to death if ignored long enough.

Today I choose not to focus on the person who spoke the hurtful words. I will look first to the wound. Find the thorns that were inflicted, and remove them.

I find grace and healing in the eyes of Christ. My Savior knows who I am, and sees clearly. Like gloves, he protects me and gaurds against sores. Unlike gloves, He can find and heal any wounds when I forget to put on the protectors He daily provides. The Holy Spirit will minister to my wound with a gentle and honest touch. Whatever truth He finds in the hurtful words, He guides me though and teaches me a new lesson, blesses me with growth in my character and my spirit; whatever lie there is in hurtful words, my Lord will reveal it, healing me through His love. The Holy Spirit will guide me through forgiveness, help me not to hold on to the hurt, prevent the infection of bitterness, and rid my mind of any harm.

Next time I forget my gloves in the garden, I will remember to clean the wound.

Like the child who pricks himself on the thorn of a rose bush and runs to his mother for healing instead of accusing the rose bush of striking him, I choose to run to my Lord for healing, instead of accusing the one who hurt me with careless words.

There are thorns everywhere and Christ is my best defense against them.

No room on the bench.

I go to a church that has no room for people who just want to sit through a little music and a nice sermon.  I go to a church where it's not enough to drop spare change into the collection basket,  say a silent prayer no one but God will ever know about.

I go to a church were the Spirit of God is constantly pushing, reaching, seeking, calling, and singing in my ear.  Where the pastors constantly challenge, encourage, and pester the members.

It's not a comfortable place.

Should it be?

I can get away with my half-ways and half measures, if I work very hard.  But it is almost easier just to give in to the constant nagging and leave the "old flesh" behind and walk "in the light."

Without the weekly pressure from this particular "family of God" I would just do my own happy thing.  Read what i want. Write what I want, think, feel, do what I want.  None of which is particularly evil.   Oh, I could rhapsodize on how the easy life I envision isn't evil.

But the easy life I would choose for myself has nothing to do with following God or glorifying God, or knowing God.  It has nothing to do with Christianity.

There has only been one choice.  Follow God with my whole heart.  Or Not follow God with my whole heart.

No middle.

Cause, Jesus didn't half way die on the cross, or half way suffer for my sins.  Jesus didn't live a life half-way for God, still taking time for all his relationships and crafts, and book reading and shopping for new sandals and robes or a better table making tool.  I can't remember a time Jesus only said a silent prayer and walked away from a crippled man.  If he chose to heal a person He did so completely.  When He forgave sin, He forgave all sin.  When gave a promise, He kept it.  All of it.  Even the unbelievable parts.

So, it has got to be all.

Less of me, Lord. More of you.

coming soon!